Have you ever tried to break the rules for a good reason, only to be told you have to stay within the lines? Sometimes, when someone is a real jerk about it, your best option is malicious compliance. That is, doing what you're told in such a way as to undermine the person who told you what to do. It's a great tactic to use against incompetent bosses, demanding idiot customers, and a whole host of other wackos who insist on having things their own way no matter the consequences.
These folks recently went online to share their best stories of malicious compliance. Sometimes the best revenge is actually following the rules!
30. Want to limit my expenses? I'll make sure I spend the max
29. You want your food raw? Go crazy
28. I can't pee without permission? I'll e-mail everyone!
27. You nearly killed me and you want a Yelp! review? You got it
26. You reimburse me to take the bus? I'll take a cab then
25. You try to rip us off? You can pay double
24. Insist I check IDs? Now you don't get a drink
23. Don't want to help me do my work? Guess you can stay late
22. Want me to get a doctor's note? Now I'll be sicker longer
21. Want to be racist? I'll mess up your tea
20. Don't want to talk to me in private? I'll air your dirty laundry in public
19. Oh, I've been 'randomly selected'?
This happened about 3 years ago while going through an airport in the U.S.
I walked through the metal detector, something must have beeped and they needed to pat me down. After a thorough pat down, I put my shoes on and started to walk over to grab my bag. A TSA agent stops me and says "you've been randomly selected please step into the body scanner."
I was polite, but said that I really didn't want to get into the body scanner, and asked if there was another way. The agent said that I could get a pat down. I said well I just got a pat down so... They angrily told me to pick an option!
So, I took two steps backwards, to the woman who had patted me down 30 seconds ago and spread em... again. While she was patting me down I asked her if she found anything new. She stared daggers at me but let me go.
18. Want my test answers? I'll erase all yours first
17. Just want me to do my job? I'll do exactly that
16. Want a full accounting of my time? Let's see how much of it you waste
15. Want make a big deal over 9 cents? Game on
14. Coffee isn't part of my free breakfast? In that case...
13. Won't deposit my check? Let's do it the hard way
12. You want to pay more? Go riiiiiight ahead
11. You want me to call you? Give me one second
10. You want to meet my dad? You got it
9. I can edit your photos however I want? Enjoy this
I’m not a professional photographer, but I do have decent equipment and portfolio so a lot of friends will hit me up for discounted photo shoots. Most of them pay or at least buy me dinner, but others expect me to do it for free...
I’m close with my ex-boyfriend’s family so I was thrilled when his younger sister asked me to come to her prom pictures earlier this month, until she told me to bring the camera. I did mention to her that I’m doing online school and I have an exam due that week so the pictures might not be ready for another week. She was fine with that.
Within two hours of taking pictures of half a dozen high-school students, I ended up with 300+ shots because everyone wanted the perfect Instagram shot. Whatever, I can go home, study, and slowly work on sorting through the pictures later. They’re not paying me so I wasn’t exactly motivated either.
I get a text from her and her mom that night at around 11pm, they want the pictures edited AND uploaded by the next morning so they could be shown off on social media. I tried to explain that I’m studying but they weren’t having it. They said, “We don’t care how you edit it, just make it look nice.”
Fine.
I spent the next 3+ hours working on the pictures and editing them really nicely that even I was proud of....then I hid Shrek into the background of every single picture. Shrek with his head poking out between the kids, Shrek posing happily, Shrek had a very nice time at prom evidently. I uploaded the pics and sent them off, no one noticed the extra guest for weeks and I got my ear chewed out because my ex’s sister didn’t appreciate her 900 followers on Instagram seeing Shrek grinning between her and her boyfriend.
They asked me to edit however I wanted, so I delivered. Shrek was one of my best clients I’ve ever had.
8. You want me to speak in public? I'm bringing my dog
7. Won't let us pee? We'll be returning our purchases
6. Don't want me to take my insulin? Here you go
5. You don't want me to save you $300? Okay then...
So I work as a long-term care (LTC) biller. I do pharmacy billing for nursing homes and assisted living facilities. So any meds they get, I bill. My company is contracted with LTC facilities, we provide medications to people in LTC.
I’ve been working in LTC for 16 years. The company I work for does something that is absolutely unheard of in pharmacy billing... they care about their patients. So, if your insurance drops a copay of $20, but the “at cost” price is only $5, we charge you the $5. We give you the lower price. This is really rare in my field. Most pharmacies are out to screw everyone. My company actually gives you the better deal.
This caller (Karen) didn’t get that.
Karen: Hi, I’d like to talk about my mom’s bill. You didn’t run this through my mom’s insurance!
Me: Let me check this out. … Yes, we saw that your copay was actually higher than the “at cost” rate, so we dropped the charge down, so it’s cheaper for you.
Karen: I pay for insurance and I expect insurance prices!
Me: Of course, but when we can charge you the lesser price, we do that, we try to—
Karen: IDGAF about YOUR prices. I want it ran through the insurance! For tax purposes!
Me: Regardless of that, we can send you an itemized tax paper, to show what you paid. We just are trying to give you the lower--
Karen: I WANT THIS RAN THROUGH THE INSURANCE! THIS IS RIDICULOUS YOU AREN’T BILLING MY INSURANCE!
Me: We did, but our “at cost” gives you a lower price, so we charged you the lower price.
Karen: I AM DONE WITH THIS. BILL THE INSURANCE!
Me: Your bill is $75. If I bill your insurance, they will raise your bill.
Karen: IT WILL NOT AND I EXPECT YOU TO REBILL MY ACCOUNT TO THE INSURANCE AND MAIL ME A NEW STATEMENT!
Me: Yes, ma’am.
I rebill the account. Her bill goes from $75 to $396.
She gets her new bill a week later. Calls back. Loses her mind, of course. My boss backed me and told her that since it’s been over 30 days since the meds were dispensed, we can’t reverse the claims. She’s stuck with the bill. Bottom line: if someone tells you they are giving you the best deal, take it.
4. Want to punish me for me hair? I'll make you dye yours
A couple years ago, I worked retail in a store geared towards children. A very.... magical store. Lots of princesses, superheroes....rodents. You get the picture. Our store had about 25 female employees (including all of management) and 3 male employees.
The dress code was incredibly strict. We had a uniform that had to be ironed all the time, no visible tattoos, only natural hair colors, women were encouraged to wear make up and style their hair, men were either to be clean shaven or have fully grown in facial hair.
For some reason, one particular manager was intent on nitpicking me regarding the dresscode, even when I was in complete compliance of it. I was constantly told that I needed to iron it better, so I started getting it dry cleaned and somehow that still wasn't enough.
I wore very minimal makeup and she constantly told me I should wear more (though she couldn't make me). Hair bows were a big thing at the store and people made and gave as presents custom ones highlighting characters. They weren't exactly against dress code, but they did push the limits. Regardless, this particular manager seemingly only had an issue with them when I wore them. Once, she got down on her hands and knees with a ruler to prove my pant hem was too long only to be proven wrong. There were also some conversations about my appearance that looking back were definitely body shaming.
As a side note, this particular manager was a natural brunette but she dyed her hair black and bleached a portion of the hair underneath so that it would show.
I got the itch to dye my hair. However, with the dress code, only natural hair colors were allowed, so I came up with a compromise: silver. I went and had my hair professionally lightened and dyed silver.
The next day I worked, the district and regional managers were visiting the store. I was always picked to work those days because I had the best "stage presence" and knowledge of the company and those two were always impressed by me.
When I showed up to work that day with my new shiny silver hair, my store managers were appalled. They wanted to send me home immediately, and for whatever reason they decided to talk to me in front of the higher ups. This is a paraphrasing of the convo:
"You're in major violation of the dress code."
"How so?"
"Your hair isn't a natural color."
"Yes it is, grey is a natural color."
"But you aren't grey yet."
"So?"
"So it looks unnatural to be all grey."
"Are you saying that we can't dye our hair at all if its not a color that would grow out of our heads naturally at this moment?"
"No, you can dye your hair, it just cant be obviously fake. It needs to look real."
I pointed at the manager who was constantly on me. " Your hair is half black and half bleach blonde. I feel like that looks more unnatural than my grey hair"
I turned two the higher ups and asked if I was in violation. They agreed with me that I was not.
In the end, I got to keep my silver hair and my manager was told that HER hair actually was a dress code violation and she had to dye it before coming in the next day.
3. Force a kid with cancer to take the exam? Okay, this is the exam
2. You want me to follow my contract? I'll follow it to the letter
This happened some years ago when I had just gotten hired for a part time position in a retail store.
All was good until the summer got close and he offered me full time for the summer ended which I gladly took. Less than two weeks in to the summer he changed my hours back to part time. I hadn't thought about getting the temporary full time thing in writing as he seemed like a trustworthy guy.
It made no sense as I did a good job and helped out with things my contract didn't mention when I had the time as I get bored quickly. I found out that even though he have years of experience in the field he had massively over spent on the wage bill and had to cut down to avoid getting fired by the head office.
When I voiced my concern over this his only response "I'm only obliged to give you 20 hour a week, as the contract state".
I wanted to chew him out verbally but I kept my cool and decided that if he wanted to play that game I would too. When I got home that night I read my entire contract and noted the clauses that I could use.
One clause stated that my responsibilities was unloading the trucks, take care of the stock room and keep the shelfs stocked.
Another mentioned that I shouldn't do other tasks as their insurance only covered me for the specific areas I was meant to work .
Next day he told me to help out the cashiers as the lines were long.
"Sorry, can't do. As the contract states that isn't part of my job here and I should refrain from doing that. You can find it in my contract as clause 9a and 9b"
He was fuming, face totally red and he just walked away without saying shit.
Another thing I had noticed in my contract is that besides my 30 min lunch break I had a 10 minute break I could take when I wanted so I gave him 5 minutes, walked into his office and told him I was taking my 10 minute break.
"What are you talking about? You only have one break and that's for lunch".
"My contract says otherwise. It's in clause 10."
When I got back from the break he asked me to clean something up out in the store. I couldn't believe that he couldn't take a hint.
"Sorry, can't do. Clause 9a & 9b prevents me from doing it".
Next day a costumer asked for help with something. "Sorry, can't do. It's not my job. Find someone else". My boss heard about this and yelled at me but I managed to stay calm and answered with the clauses that prevented me from helping the costumer. Legally I was in the right and he couldn't do shit but I could see the hatred in his eyes.
I was still on a trial period which meant he could fire me with only 24 hours notice but I could also resign with only 24 hours notice.
I knew that once the summer ended and everyone were back from from their vacations he would fire me right away. I had started looking for other jobs and it was going all right so I decided to quit at the worst time possible when it showed itself.
At the last week of summer he had to fire one with suspend another for stealing from the store. It was the perfect time to quit and leave him badly undermanned for the week.
24 hours and 1 minutes before my next shift I sent him my resignation before I sent a message to my coworkers about how they should remember to take all their breaks and not violate their contract by doing stuff they aren't allowed to do.
I heard it gave him a little chaos when people followed my advice.
1. You want to have a meeting? You're not gonna like it
For the past few years our business has been receiving telemarketing calls from an offshore call center trying to make appointments for "Optus Business Centre". Every time they call, we'd politely tell them we were not interested and ask them to remove us from their list and they'd promise not to call again.
You can probably tell by my use of the words "every time" that having ourselves removed from the list didn't work. It didn't work the first time, and it didn't work the 50th time. Offshores are cheap, and get paid per appointment. So they would get quite aggressive. It was clear that a new strategy needed to be found as it was taking too long to get them to bugger off.
So began my campaign of malicious compliance/petty revenge...
"Hi we're calling from Optus business centre and we can save you 40% on your mobile phone bill! Can we come and see you tomorrow at 11am?"
You can save me 40% of my mobile bill? That's like sixty grand a month!
"What? How many phones do you have?"
150 or so that I'm responsible for directly, plus a few others..
The appointment is quickly confirmed. The next day a salesman calls me up he's running early - can we meet earlier. I refused. Our appointment is for 11am after all.
11am rolls around and in he walks - we sit down in reception and go through the greetings. I then ask him if it's possible to make the telemarketing calls stop now. He assures me that it is, and so I stand up, shake his hand and thank him for coming in.
What? That's it? You could have said that over the phone!
I point out that we did. Many times, and it didn't work - and I hoped that this waste of his time would perhaps teach him to mend his ways.
Over the past 2 years they have sent out 5 different reps to see us. They call for meetings - we accept them, shine them on about the value of the account and they roll in to be greeted by me dressed in a chicken suit; made to wait in our meeting room for 20 minutes before being asked to be removed from the list; being turned away at the door (they sent two reps that time).
I'm posting this today because it was visit number 6 and it was the best yet. We got a repeat customer! I sat him down in the meeting room and played the video recording of our last meeting.
Is that you ?
Yes! It's me! Didn't I follow up? Did we have a good meeting?
I point out that I certainly enjoyed our last meeting, and zoomed forward in the video to the part where I explained that we didn't have 500 mobile accounts - and he needed to please remove us from their list and you could see his heart break. Which it did again, once he realized that whatever account he thought was being discussed today was not going to be discussed. Which we also have on video, so we can go all Inception if/when he shows his face again.